Wednesday, February 8, 2017

The Sex is bad, HELP! Relationship Wednesday

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I've meet this wonderful guy with a great job, loves to travel and has the same moral compass but there is one problem... Our sex life is horrible.  I am not seeing fireworks or waking the neighbors. Help! What should I do?

I have received several variations of this question but they all have one thing in common... Can a relationship work without sexual gratification?

The key to finding the answer to this question lies in the definition of relationship.  If you are looking for a strictly physical connection and seriously nothing more, then I would have to suggest you move on. You can try and communicate that you are not stimulated or feel an animal attraction but why would he care.  If you aren't striving for more than sexual stimulation then he has no motivation to be better for you.  You have formed a selfish connection so expectations should be very low.

If your definition of a relationship includes building a life together consisting of  love, commitment and respect for each other than my answer would be YES.   I do not believe in the theory that people
can be "sexually non compatible".  The key exists within the effort to satisfy, communication and the willingness to vulnerably submit to your partner.  Sexual satisfaction is of course physical but if you master the mental game, you will no longer be impressed by fireworks because you have daily visits to the stars! Sex becomes more when its tied to a goal of pleasing your partner instead of looking to be pleased.  This is the area where communication and evaluation is a must. 


 If you have insecurities within the relationship, anger, or even expectations (non physical) that are being neglected, it can affect your connection.  Make physical pleasure a chance to show love for your partner and strengthen your bond only! Do not use it to validate, test or determine anything about the relationship.  You should have the answers for those concerns before you begin or continue a sexual relationship. Sex is the cherry on top not the whole desert.  If your sex life isnt good, the relationship is worse! 

Consider removing sex from the equation.

Ask yourself  a few questions:

1.  Why am I in a relationship?
2.  Do I trust my partner completely?
3.  Do I have a fence around my heart or have I completely let down my wall?
4.  Do I look to satisfy my partner (the way he desires) or do I expect that he should be satisfied?
5.  Do I know what truly satifies me? Can I stimulate pleasure (without aids) myself?

Trust me when I say, if you have a strong relationship, and let sex be a gift to your partner.... You will always be satisfied!

Share your thoughts! I enjoy your feedback! Remember to send your questions....

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