Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Seriously, do we have a future? ... Relationship Wednesday

Relationship Wednesday is here! I will be answering the questions I receive via email from you guys regarding dating, marriage and love in general. For those who are new to my blog, I have been married for over 20 years, a mother of three and a completely open book about my ups and downs.  I love to help others find meaningful relationships that are based on a sense of self love. I try to give advice that is straight forward and practical so you can  understand it and apply to your life.

This week's question:  How do you know when a guy is truly looking for a serious relationship vs spitting game to get me in the bed?

My advice:  This question has been asked to me and many other life coaches over and over.  It's a great question but it always seem to send the hairs on the back of my neck  to a full salute.  Let's first talk about my problem with this question.  I don't like the way it reads that the decision of the relationship is in the hands of the man.  You have just as much say in how serious the relationship will be as he does.  You have to come into any relationship looking for someone that can enhance not complete you.  If you are comfortable with yourself, bring to the table what you are looking for and have a genuine heart that is open to be loved than you won't have to concern yourself with this question.  

What, Mslawanda? Answer the freaking question!


Okay, I'll give some practical answers.... You can only know what his actions and words tell you.  You need to decide if the person you are choosing to spend your time with is a LIAR! Has his actions been full of LIES? Have you made excuses for behavior that you knew was based in LIES?  

NO?? Well then why are you treating him like a liar? 

Ask him what he is looking for, how he feels about you and then stop trying to plan tomorrow and enjoy dating.  You have to be okay with his feelings for you and not try and manipulate them to change.  If he says he enjoys your company and can see a possible future with you, don't translate that to "We will be married in a year".  Ask yourself how do you actually feel about him.  Be bold enough to state how you feel but be brave enough for his feelings not to be equal.  If you are at love and he's at a strong like, there's nothing wrong with that.

 You are looking for someone that is genuine and not your emotional twin.  You are not falling in love
with yourself through him, you need to have already done this before you bring someone else into your life.  Love is a risk and you can lose, but if you are willing to be authentic and free of fear, you won't regret the ride.

Side Note:  If he says I'm just getting out of a relationship", "I'm not sure if I want something serious", "I just want us to see if we are compatible" then you know exactly what he wants and if you continue with him ..... don't pretend that he gave you the impression that he was looking at you as his future life partner.  Simply do not make EXCUSES! If he wants you in his life, he will do everything to be his best self.  If he doesn't see you as someone he works to impress, make smile or sees as enhancing him... he will treat you that way and you should walk away.

Just because you find someone ATTRACTIVE doesn't mean you should be in a RELATIONSHIP
with them! It is NOT a bad reflection on you that a man (that ALL you know about him) is he's GOOD LOOKING and has a JOB takes you on a date and doesn't feel sparks. It's NORMAL!!! Most men that don't want relationships, mirror that sentiment in their actions. 

Just move in every relationship in a direction that is guided by action... Positive action! If he does what he says he will, you enjoy his company, you have things in common and you feel like you are your best self together... Then take the leap and enjoy the moment. You only have control of you! 

Hope this helps! Please share your follow up questions! You can leave them below, ask on social media (#findinglove) or via email findlovewithmslawanda(at)gmail(dot)com.

More questions answered next Wednesday!
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